This blog is for all of our fellow parents and teachers who have struggled with the hustle of back to school. This is the season my family is in and many of the families I know are in as we are transitioning back into the school year. I also know that the transition back to school in the classroom can be a huge adjustment. Eventually, children, families and teachers establish routines. However, sometimes it is easy to get into the habit of doing tasks for children.
The below information and the freebies included will help your child gain independence in everyday routines in order to build life skills and make the day-to-day smoother for everyone.
Including my own family, I have worked with a wide variety of age groups- from infants through young adulthood. Throughout these populations and over many years of practicing, there is a constant struggle to help children build independence. A common trend is that children have a huge reliance on their adults (their teachers and parents). And then, they reach a certain age and the expectations jump without them learning.
I know with my own kids, they would much rather me do daily tasks for them. It is quicker and takes less effort for everyone in the short term. Along with being quicker, I prefer to do the task for them instead of having to struggle with them. However, I have seen the long term effect of the over-reliance. It makes the transition to adolescence and eventually adulthood much more difficult because they have not developed the skills or desire to independently complete things for themselves.
As an OT and a mom, I constantly repeat to myself that I want my kids to WANT me around. But, it is my job to teach them to not be completely dependent on me to be around.
Below are the steps to develop independence with your everyday routines like…
- Getting up for school in the morning
- Unpacking and packing during the school day
- Coming home from school
- Preparing to go to a friend or grandparent’s house
- Packing or unpacking from a trip
KEY STEPS FOR INDEPENDENCE
- Make it visual- We all use visual checklists and guides. So, make sure you are using visuals for everyday routines. This will help your child rely on their visual instead of relying on you. We have the following visual checklists for you here…
- After School Routine: https://conquertherapyservices.com/after-school-routine-checklist/
- Morning & Bedtime Routine: https://conquertherapyservices.com/morning-and-evening-routine-checklist/
- Figure out your specific child and what makes sense for them. Some kids need a little bit of downtime before asking them to do a task. Other kids like to get things done quickly. In my house, I have 1 child who needs downtime before they jump into a task. But another child who likes getting things done first thing and them having downtime. It is important to adjust based on your child’s preferences.
- Give reinforcement- Reinforcement can come in different forms. You can provide social reinforcement like praise and attention. You can also give tangible reinforcement like getting an item. Kids need reinforcement to help them stay motivated and know that they are doing the right thing. With that being said, make sure you are not praising them for each and every task because they will become dependent on your approval. It is important to encourage children to feel good within themselves.
- Teach steps before expecting independence- Some routines require a higher level of thinking or higher level of skills. Make sure you spend time teaching your child the steps and the skills involved in their routine before automatically expecting them to be independent. Our previous blog titled Steps for Achieving Independence https://conquertherapyservices.com/2022/03/17/steps-for-achieving-independence/ explains how to work from dependence to independence in any skill.
- Keep in mind the long-term benefit. When you work towards independence of everyday routines, it has two purposes.1) Helps develop skills that can be transferred into other tasks, and 2) It develops the desire to accomplish tasks on their own.
- Buy-In is Key. If a child believes they are doing something just because you told them to, they are far less motivated to complete a task independently. It is important before increasing expectations to explain why you are increasing them. Help your child understand that it will help them as they mature and continue through their life. Explain to your child how you developed certain skills and times that you struggled if you did not have certain skills.
- Use it as connection time. Kids will innately do what they want to do instead of what has to be done. So, make independence-building an opportunity to build connection and social engagement with your child. When you do a task for your child, invite them to join you and make it a time you can teach them and also connect with them. One of my favorite memories growing up was when my mom and I did laundry together. I did not realize how much she was teaching me. Instead, what I loved was that it was time that my mom and I spent together. When I went away to college, I realized how valuable that time was not just for the connection but also for the skills I acquired during that time.
- Keep in mind your child’s age. Obviously, you do not want to ask your two year old to do an entire load of laundry or make a family meal. But, you can include them in the process at all ages. For example, a young child can help match socks or sort by color. They can also help stir and pour when making food. All these little involvements will work towards their eventual independence.
If you feel like your child is struggling to gain independence with everyday routines. Or, if you are a teacher who has a student who needs a lot of help with routines at school, please Contact Us – Conquer Therapy Services. Our expert therapists can help!